Motte-and-Bailey
Motte-and-Baileys were the first type of castle to be built in England after the Norman conquest in 1066. They were relatively easy to construct and helped show the locals that the Normans were going to be hanging around for awhile. A motte-and-bailey consists of a wooden or stone building that sits on a raised mound called a motte. The bailey is the enclosed courtyard that accompanies it. But although wooden motte-and-bailey castles helped William the Conqueror take quick control the English, the structures did have a habit of rotting and burning. Luckily, mankind learned from this and today's castles are built with stone.
Build your own Motte-and-Bailey :
Let's say you're tired of people coming to your door. The paperboy wanting paid. Old Mrs. Smith who lost her damn cat again. Someone borrowing sugar. That kid raising money to go to band camp. Jeez. Will people never leave you alone? The answer is a Motte-and-Bailey.
Step one: Using an excavator, build two mounds next to your house. Now would be a good time to pull up those overgrown shrubs from your neighbor's yard that block your view of the morning sun. And you may as well topple that ugly shed next door that sticks out like a sore thumb and needs demolishing anyway. Make one mound really high and really steep so kids selling stupid things will get out of breath trying to climb it.
Step two: Construct a tower on the top and move your comfy chair in here. Now you will be able to see those nasty people before they can even get to your sidewalk. This is your Motte.
Step three: Once you catch your breath, build a smaller mound. This one will serve as the foundation of your bailey. Now dig yourself a ditch around the base of the mound. You may later choose to fill this in with water and koi or piranha.
Step four: Set up your bailey—which is now safe and sound inside your ditch—in the design you choose. This is where your people (you do have people don't you?) will fight off the visitors so you can sit in your comfy chair up in the tower.
Be sure to include barracks for your people to sleep, stables for their horses, livestock (you may not be able to leave your compound for months at a time when surrounded by angry neighbors) and outbuildings to store up wartime amounts of grain and beer and toilet paper.
Step five: Add a large gate that has a secret password. Keep changing the password. Then sit back and relax. Nobody will be bothering you now.
Step one: Using an excavator, build two mounds next to your house. Now would be a good time to pull up those overgrown shrubs from your neighbor's yard that block your view of the morning sun. And you may as well topple that ugly shed next door that sticks out like a sore thumb and needs demolishing anyway. Make one mound really high and really steep so kids selling stupid things will get out of breath trying to climb it.
Step two: Construct a tower on the top and move your comfy chair in here. Now you will be able to see those nasty people before they can even get to your sidewalk. This is your Motte.
Step three: Once you catch your breath, build a smaller mound. This one will serve as the foundation of your bailey. Now dig yourself a ditch around the base of the mound. You may later choose to fill this in with water and koi or piranha.
Step four: Set up your bailey—which is now safe and sound inside your ditch—in the design you choose. This is where your people (you do have people don't you?) will fight off the visitors so you can sit in your comfy chair up in the tower.
Be sure to include barracks for your people to sleep, stables for their horses, livestock (you may not be able to leave your compound for months at a time when surrounded by angry neighbors) and outbuildings to store up wartime amounts of grain and beer and toilet paper.
Step five: Add a large gate that has a secret password. Keep changing the password. Then sit back and relax. Nobody will be bothering you now.